This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 9, 2020
October 2
Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies
— Taylor (@taylorashtonp) October 3, 2020
A pumpkin man sits inside a pumpkin house. Is the house made of flesh, or is he made of house? He screams for he does not know. https://t.co/EAKH8sRRr8
— Katie O'Reilly (@DrKatfish) October 2, 2020
He just be clicking around Wikipedia having a ball https://t.co/PSKwpZaWPt
— Thackery Binx (@The_SummerMan) October 3, 2020
Men who aren't trash don't give a shit if you call men trash
— ishiiii✨✨ (@velli_memer) October 3, 2020
Since KFC fired me a few days ago... the 11 herbs and spices are: Salt, pepper, basil, parsley chilli powder, lemon pepper, thyme, sage, onion powder and garlic powder
— _Atiff (@el_atiif) October 2, 2020
this you? https://t.co/APZPjbFETh pic.twitter.com/7bHERB6OZB
— fear 666 operator (spooky) (@tacticaldipshit) October 3, 2020
October is already proving to be the person in the group project who does all the work https://t.co/zj5qv4bwXt
— A Billion Trees 🌱 (@HxllzSays) October 2, 2020
October 3
The Chinese president called it the White House virus I am crying
— Jason Maples (@JJMaples55_MST) October 3, 2020
why do comedies even try after this pic.twitter.com/j80ZCGXcPn
— azhar 🎃 (@azhar_xo) October 3, 2020
how much for the machine 🙄 https://t.co/9ylgIVrgKT
— maya $ (@marriedtodrakee) October 3, 2020
My dad's newest girlfriend introduced herself as "Cinnamon, with an S" and I've been calling her Cinnamons all afternoon and she absolutely will not correct me.
— The Mayor of Dadlandia (@LoganLowbrow) October 4, 2020
The "Herman Cain continues to tweet about how COVID isn't that bad after he died of COVID" thing is so fucking morbid that I feel awful finding it to be maybe the funniest thing that has ever happened in history.
— The 💀 toucher (@JonIsAwesomest) October 3, 2020
I love how every time you say "guy who threw a shoe at George w Bush" the guy who threw the shoe at George W Bush quote tweets it with "that's me" and gets 20k RT 100k likes every time. And he totally deserves it
— the lusty argonian maid (@C0INCELPR0) October 3, 2020
October 4
This looks like a public apology after you lost control of your dinosaur park. pic.twitter.com/oDlG4iar9e
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyosexwhale) October 4, 2020
They need to cut him a a check https://t.co/NhAGEiLnCQ
— JL (@AlienDesmadre) October 5, 2020
every time i see this pic i have a heart attack pic.twitter.com/9eo2DCKOCV
— 𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔦𝔞 (@sachaborat) October 4, 2020
now's our chance to escape https://t.co/MNTadS5zrx
— Emo Philips (@EmoPhilips) October 4, 2020
White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows rubs his head as U.S. Navy Commander Dr. Sean Conley, the White House physician, speaks to the media about President Donald Trump's health. Photo by @erinscottphoto pic.twitter.com/zNfarjSLow
— corinne_perkins (@corinne_perkins) October 4, 2020
these doctor press conferences pic.twitter.com/2aAQrljmrC
— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) October 4, 2020
Trump's doing great, but out of an abundance of caution, they're doing a practice funeral https://t.co/1gyuAp5ke5
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) October 4, 2020
Love to be a diseased 74-year-old high on bizarre drugs and play a surprise on my fans.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) October 4, 2020
October 5
Because of a bit of teasing, the Proud Boys have changed their name to Leather Men.
— David (@ahzoov) October 5, 2020
Will someone from the LGBTQ community reach out and help these people? They're way in over their heads.
that is 4 https://t.co/houjIXcEti
— shqueen (@shqne) October 6, 2020
— KnowNOthing (@KnowN0thing1) October 5, 2020
just fell out a 50th story window and so far so good! feels like flying. don't be afraid of falling out of windows
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) October 6, 2020
The only thing I'm actually seeing is two backhanded compliments. LOVE MY FANS. pic.twitter.com/opqlZq7mZb
— Julia Hladkowicz (@juliacomedy) October 5, 2020
Here comes the story of the Herman Cain https://t.co/ipEn7VBNiN
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) October 5, 2020
I love when I'm driving with coffees in my passenger seat and I gently place my hand across them when I round a corner. My children.
— Carey O'Donnell (@ecareyo) October 5, 2020
I am so looking forward to the day I don't think about Donald Trump at all.
— Neera -Vote Early- Tanden (@neeratanden) October 6, 2020
Gasping for air. And credibility. pic.twitter.com/1pDvaYcAbj
— Ken Jeong (@kenjeong) October 6, 2020
October 6
Eddie Van Halen did the Beat It solo in one take for free
— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) October 6, 2020
— Jeff (@jeffftweets) October 6, 2020
Jobs: HIRING! URGENT! APPLY NOW!!!!!!!
— M I R E M B A 🌹🇬🇲🇺🇬 (@SutayXx) October 6, 2020
Me: Applies
Jobs: not you.
Just taught my grandma the WAP dance 😂😂😂
— Nick Nemeroff (@nicknemeroff) October 6, 2020
She is mentally out of it and I am kinda forcing her to do it 😓
ARTICLE: How, at the age of just 22 did this man...
— Tomb Scream(hollow)man (@TNeenan) October 6, 2020
ME: Is it rich parents?
ARTICLE: ... Yeah.
Anakin: …is it possible to learn this power?
— Omar Najam 🎃 #13Days13Shorts 🎃 (@OmarNajam) October 6, 2020
Palpatine: *grins* not from a Jedi. Which is why I use SkillShare. SkillShare is an online learning community where you can learn—and teach—just about anything. Get two months of Skillshare Premium for free with coupon code "SHEEV"
wait so stephen miller didn't get covid when his wife had it but does have it after a work event. lmao what a fucking nerd
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) October 6, 2020
October 7
Biden team: LISTEN 👏 TO 👏 THE 👏SCIENTISTS 👏
— Maximillian Alvarez (@maximillian_alv) October 8, 2020
Scientists: Fracking is bad
Biden team: SHUT 👏 THE 👏 FUCK 👏 UP 👏 NERDS 👏
Total time a fly sat on Mike Pence's head: two minutes pic.twitter.com/PtI0rKSi5I
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 8, 2020
Love a reoccurring character. pic.twitter.com/aejroSTi6C
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) October 8, 2020
Yes your Darkness the debate went as planned. My eye was RED and the fly landed right on time.
— julio torres ~* (@juliothesquare) October 8, 2020
Debate recap. pic.twitter.com/dVq7dNWHnv
— Dana Goldberg (@DGComedy) October 8, 2020
If you didn't come up with a good fly tweet there's still time to come up with a good backlash to the fly tweets tweet
— Ambooent 1: Music For Scareports (@pixelatedboat) October 8, 2020
I wish I was backstage just so I could hear this exchange:
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) October 8, 2020
"How'd I do? What are people saying?"
"There was a fly on your head for a really long time. It's mostly that."
real presidents kills flies with their bare hands pic.twitter.com/vzliIkXd2S
— alex (@alex_abads) October 8, 2020
Whenever Pence talks he sounds like a serial killer calmly explaining why he has to do this to you
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 8, 2020
Mike Pence has never let a woman finish
— Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) October 8, 2020
Amazing moment just now on CNN where Gloria Borger, the sole woman on a panel with 4 men, starts to explain what it was like for women to watch Kamala get repeatedly interrupted but can't finish because the men on the panel interrupt her. And she says "Mr Santorum, I'm talking."
— Patrick Radden Keefe (@praddenkeefe) October 8, 2020
October 8
My 20 year old cousin got his own apartment and it's going pretty well pic.twitter.com/SaPSogpo0r
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 8, 2020
I don't think blaming governor Whitmer for almost being kidnapped is a winning strategy for appealing to suburban women voters
— Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) October 8, 2020
Free advice: That new friend of yours who is strangely encouraging of your dumbshit terrorism plans works for the FBI.
— Nick Baumann (@NickBaumann) October 8, 2020
Love an immediate, same-sentence fact-check. pic.twitter.com/vMS0UMhPWE
— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) October 8, 2020
sorry but this is the funniest thing a president has ever said pic.twitter.com/0FKQgxLBxk
— Official Heaven's Gate VEVO (@nachdermas) October 8, 2020
It's hard to get the right interns these days. pic.twitter.com/A8BGckLAQt
— Yascha Mounk (@Yascha_Mounk) October 8, 2020