This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 11, 2020
December 4
chance the rapper said "i met kanye west i'm never going to fail" and then proceeded to fail horrendously
β Gabe the Machine (@HornyLanez) December 5, 2020
Read this pic.twitter.com/9N2Rtfx35L
β πΈοΈ fish1milkπΈοΈ (@Fish1Milk) December 4, 2020
β elise navidad (@crocfanpage) December 5, 2020
The kids asked if they could write "Let It Snow" on the windows... the bottom is what can be seen from the road. pic.twitter.com/qayoHSY7li
β JINGLE JANGLE JUSTIN π (@Heisenherr) December 5, 2020
I'm not doing anything... pic.twitter.com/KyUzpywoas
β Jay Arnold π¬ (@jadedcreative) December 5, 2020
December 5
I once took a woman out to eat and talked until 12 am so my direct deposit could hit
β . (@CoreysThirst) December 6, 2020
therapist: how are you?
β iris βΫͺུ (@8RUJA) December 5, 2020
me: i'm fine how are you? :)
The existence of Liverpool implies the existence of Laugherpool & Loverpool
β Michael. (@cumkinggg) December 6, 2020
In America we destroy them to keep the prices high. https://t.co/gUCme28TNs
β John Oberlin (@OMGno2trump) December 5, 2020
Last night I discovered "minimalist nativity sets" and I am WEEPING pic.twitter.com/XuRoGq8i1v
β Kirby Jones (@kejones_) December 5, 2020
Please enjoy these ducks changing their minds. pic.twitter.com/v1jvCTNMmK
β Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) December 5, 2020
December 6
technology is unbelievable pic.twitter.com/mYxPEdsXog
β search brayden bauer on spotify (@Keefler_Elf) December 6, 2020
The last few months for Rudy Giuliani:
β Emma Vigeland (@EmmaVigeland) December 6, 2020
1. Gets caught (allegedly) undoing his pants in a Borat movie
2. Hosts an election fraud presser at Four Seasons Total Landscaping
3. Sweats so much his hair dye melts
4. Audibly farts in a hearing
5. Tests positive for covid-19
An icon.
Weird that Covid is just like the flu but every right wing political figure that tests positive is immediately flown to the top medical centers in the country, treated by the top medical personnel and administered treatments the public doesn't have access to.
β Mike Stanley (@_Aware_Wolf) December 7, 2020
The annual book tree is up! Always with a heavy Crim-literature presence and this year topped off with a T-Rex π¦ pic.twitter.com/D63z5lmNq0
β Travis Pratt (@TravisCPratt) December 6, 2020
Thinking about this influencer who can't spell voila π pic.twitter.com/nij239gD5U
β Drew π« (@DietMountainDru) December 7, 2020
why do men start podcasts instead of going to therapy
β jay (@flossybabyjay) December 6, 2020
Feels like we could workshop this down to a tight three-word slogan. https://t.co/y5CvkLK1qs
β Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) December 7, 2020
December 7
this photo is some accidental renaissance. there's so much going on. pic.twitter.com/HB9c8KIhSD
β Steve Mullis (@stevemullis) December 8, 2020
Sorry if I'm not celebrating Trump's defeat yet, I still remember when Jay Leno took back the Tonight Show.
β Paul Danke (@pauldanke) December 8, 2020
James Harden watched all 10 episodes of the Last Dance just to get inspired by Dennis Rodmanπ
β Magic's Burner (@MagicsBurner) December 8, 2020
when they never let poor rudolph join in any reindeer games pic.twitter.com/NSsFGshakB
β Taylor Foster (@tayfonicole) December 8, 2020
Thinking about when this guy read me Ginsberg after sex, and then a week later a fully different guy read me Ginsberg after sex, and I told guy 2 about the coincidence and he sighed and said, "No, that's my ex. He stole my move."
β J*ckie (@jackies_backie) December 8, 2020
Why am i still single pic.twitter.com/Lz9IUum26c
β Jiggly Wiggly (@dummyjig) December 7, 2020
Where do I sign https://t.co/nO47Bj28CN
β Charlize Theron (@CharlizeAfrica) December 8, 2020
December 8
you've heard of fomo now get ready for fobi (fear of being included)
β i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) December 9, 2020
i literally sext like "is that so?"
β azula apologist (@darianmars) December 8, 2020
"infant so tender and mild" suggests the existence of a spicy baby
β Bella Lara Blondeau (@vivarockbella) December 8, 2020
my mum discovered a spreadsheet my dad made to plan his week off work in 2000 pic.twitter.com/yveAjvRKUK
β martha (@marthalobrien) December 8, 2020
I actually laughed out loud. Catch me never pronouncing microwave correctly again pic.twitter.com/lpJx9dk1qw
β meekro wahvΓ© x (@jackremmington) December 8, 2020
December 9
Still the funniest moment of 2020 pic.twitter.com/3GmYYQOxUj
β Slade (@Slade) December 9, 2020
counterpoint: we should do exactly that https://t.co/47QS0rtU4J pic.twitter.com/JPhP5PYmqN
β Tankarchist-Posadist (@Tankarchist) December 9, 2020
What the streets are gonna look like in January when the elderly are the only ones with the vaccine pic.twitter.com/nsFKG7DtWv
β Nathan McDermott (@natemcdermott) December 9, 2020
friendly reminder that the numbers on your toaster indicate the amount of minutes to toast for, not a mysterious level of toastedness
β Lizz Adams (@Lizz) December 9, 2020
grandma said twitter is just reader's digest for gen x and I had to sit down and stare at the floor for a few minutes.
β Eric Gonzalez Juenke (@egojunk1) December 9, 2020
December 10
Hollywood 2021, either get cast in a Star Wars spinoff or start an OnlyFans
β Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) December 11, 2020
Vaccine roll out timeline for bands (requested by @benleemusic):
β Todd Barry (@toddbarry) December 10, 2020
1. Bands that hang by merch table after show
2. Bands that set up drum kit off to the side, not centered
3. Bands with average Pitchfork score > 4.
4. Bands where singer goes on solo tours, but feels shitty