This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 31, 2020
July 25
RIP to Regis Philbin. One of the best TV hosts ever. This is my favorite moment in game show history pic.twitter.com/9WA1OyejVh
— Steve Perrault (@Steve_Perrault) July 25, 2020
COVID-19 made me realize I need to take every opportunity seriously. So I'm finna fight my cousin next family holiday.
— alexa (@paidpisces) July 26, 2020
I have a recipe blogger joke, but first let me tell you about my trip with my husband to Paris last summer. The sun was high, beating down on the Champs Élysées and my hubs wanted to have a refreshing espresso in an outdoor café. Paris is a pastry lover's dream come true so we th https://t.co/J5GM5JnuwW
— Joe Lamour 🇭🇹🏳️🌈 (@lamour) July 25, 2020
You send 'em 10 bucks and you get a Fugazi record. https://t.co/NhMq820unr
— Patrick A. Reed (@djpatrickareed) July 25, 2020
I was #Regis 's waiter in the early 2000's at John's Pizza Lincoln Center on 65th street and here is Regis's regular pizza order and another story pic.twitter.com/MXwxpCdgwU
— Tony (@TonyAtamanuik) July 25, 2020
finding out that lionesses have sex 20-40 times in a day when they're in heat and if her man can't keep up with her she demands to mate by biting his balls has been the highlight of my day pic.twitter.com/Z8j8vdTc3A
— jasmine rice (@jasminericegirl) July 25, 2020
July 26
My Grandma recently learned how iMessage text effects work, so naturally I've been documenting her using them inappropriately pic.twitter.com/VTaZoWND7t
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) July 26, 2020
I'm a MAGA teen 🎶 🇺🇸 💪 pic.twitter.com/qfnPHzVBUF
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) July 26, 2020
joe rogan be like "video games are a waste of time" then post a 2 hour podcast debating if a gorilla or a tiger would win in a street fight
— . (@hellograndpa) July 26, 2020
Nothing says hey man whatever like microwaving coffee
— Sara Hennessey (@sara_hennessey) July 26, 2020
July 27
I ordered a Han Solo bookmark on eBay. It arrived today. This is how it was packaged. pic.twitter.com/uk2YLdlYeQ
— Mike Ryan (@mikeryan) July 27, 2020
I don't like the bathroom mirrors that show your full body making piss
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) July 28, 2020
boomers: no gay marriage
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 28, 2020
millennials: yes gay marriage
gen z: yes gay no marriage
Grinding the clit on the rolling machine with me and my bffs at 10am. https://t.co/tYyf4wwKzH
— 𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘪-𝘵𝘰𝘦 (@idontposttoes) July 27, 2020
Now this is adorable. An old fella is just looking for someone to go for walks with. (Examines poster) He just requests that you must specifically be a *tall* woman. Ok. And his name is "Rorberto". Alright. And he has a foot themed email address. Again, this is fine. Very sweet. pic.twitter.com/6vOPLixtCd
— James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) July 27, 2020
July 28
Just imagine seeing this image with no context in 2014 pic.twitter.com/wI80vLabNV
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) July 29, 2020
If you're over 35 whatever you're about to buy, you already have it. Two in some cases. Go look.
— Janelle James (@janellejcomic) July 29, 2020
nypd be like "who you gonna believe?? us, or these videos from multiple vantage points shot in 1080p??"
— no (@miskeencore) July 29, 2020
we should start a movement of college students recording all their courses on Zoom so we can just post it all in a google drive and give higher education to the people
— captain acab (@arizonablueme) July 28, 2020
July 29
Fucking shitting myself pic.twitter.com/OH17FlwXEZ
— James (@jame_s94) July 29, 2020
I'm an ornithologist and actually I can confirm that birds don't need to flap their wings to fly, they only do it when humans are watching because they don't want to make us feel uncomfortable https://t.co/lXJfI6zhKL
— Chris 🐝 (@cactusgrlx) July 29, 2020
Electric bill is $0.77 a month. pic.twitter.com/paoqWJEg2e
— Jai (@Little_Mizz_Jai) July 30, 2020
July 30
Kawhi looks like he's going to the ice machine at his hotel https://t.co/aRKYtrAATg
— Jon (@BKjaYNOW) July 30, 2020
Dolph Lundgren with the post of the day, no topping this one folks pic.twitter.com/iERqvaNjyP
— Davis. (@realdaveimboden) July 30, 2020
this mf think she Dracula or something?😭 pic.twitter.com/bT2954MdQp
— malik🎒 (@AshyMalik) July 30, 2020
Me: please wear a mask
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) July 30, 2020
Conservative: I'll die when God says so
Me: but you carry a gun
Conservative: that's to protect others
Me: buddy you're so close to getting it
Weird closing thought! pic.twitter.com/2Vyor12DrQ
— Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) July 30, 2020